I always have the best of intentions when I buy exercise equipment. I have a few small pieces of equipment but they still collect and take up space in the house. I never really get around to using them on a regular basis.
For the last couple of days I've been jogging up and down my hallway. It's not a long hallway but I can run back and forth to get a good little cardio jolt. I actually found myself smiling after a quick "run" last night.
**********
I got told I was beautiful the other day. It was early in the morning and I had stopped at our local coffee kiosk for a white mocha to take to the hubby at work. My hair/dreadlocks were all over the place and I had put a little makeup on before leaving the house to drop the kids off as school, but you could still see hella scars and imperfections because there was truly hardly anything on.
As I was getting ready to drive off with our coffee when one of the girls working there poked her head out the window to tell me that I was beautiful without makeup and she wished she could roll out of bed and look like I did. Lol. It was incredibly sweet but I felt awfully uncomfortable because... I felt (feel) like a fraud. Not just because I actually did have a little bit of loose powder on but because ... IM NOT BEAUTIFUL. That's my flaw in a nutshell. I have no view that I'm worth anything to anyone.
My husband often tells me in a very sweet but serious tone, "I love you. Do you know that?" I must admit that only in the last couple of years have I really come to feel secure in his love, enough to know that he's not just going to stop loving me because I'm a bit crazy or just worthless.
In a strange way, this knowledge has actually made me less unstable. I used to push him away emotionally for some stupid reason or small squabble that got blown up of proportion (by me). I'd inevitably push him away in some horrible fashion. I don't know how he's stayed with me for the last 14 years or so.
**********
I want to live somewhere rural. I constantly go out for drives along the country roads nearby. I love that there's lots of open space, trees, less shopping choices (but with a nearby shopping town), no sounds of the freeway, more space between you and the neighbors, random wild deer and such running around, creeks, etc.
The noise of the suburbs has often made me feel like I was crawling out of my skin, so I love the idea of "relaxation" and quiet that the countryside exudes, especially now that it's rainy and everything is green and fresh looking. I literally feel a homesickness sometimes - if one can be homesick for an environment one has never really lived in.
*****
I found the most adorable kitty and butterfly pictures HERE!
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment