TGIF

*starts shamelessly singing Rebecca Black*

Friday~Friday~get'n down on Friday~

(Don't worry, i won't make your cry by reciting the whole song.)

Hnggggg stretchies <3

I want to leave the house but I feel gross and ugly. Do you get that way, too?

I have this thing where I'm a little bit obsessed with buying makeup. Not expensive makeup, but like cheap crap from the drugstore. It's usually like a facepowder, a colored lip balm, the occasional eyeshadow or - when I'm feeling extraordinarily hideous - a new foundation.

bahahaha! I love IT Crowd.

Makeup in general doesn't even look good on me. At least, i don't think it does. I have fun messing around with it but it has really become something I do which

• a) helps me to feel less hideous - unless it looks like shit in which case it's not doing me any favors. And when I say hideous i mean in that god-Im-so-ugly-i-dont-even-want-to-look-at-myself kind of way...which is most days.

• b) gives me a chance to prepare myself for the coming day. It is actually quite relaxing to just sit and apply foundation with a soft brush, and just massage that crap right into the skin. Sometimes i don't want to leave the room because I'm so peaceful. 

I have a little stash of all kinds of makeup in my closet that I'm trying to figure out what to do with. It's excessive (in my opinion) and collected over the last year or so. When I get "depressed" I normally don't like to go shopping for clothes or things, but I know people who do. It's their escape and it makes them feel better. But for some reason - I suppose because I practically live at Walmart with all the food my kids eat - I'm always picking up some bit of makeup for myself. I don't even like half the shit I get. It's like this weird compulsion. So I often try to avoid grocery shopping there. 

...Come to think of it I used to do this with yarn too (for crochet). I would pick up a new skein, even if I didn't need it...

I've promised myself to get out of this particular pattern I'm in. There were many years I didn't bother with makeup because it just simply wasn't apart of my life.  (I've only been using it regularly the last maybe 2-3 years!)  I kind of miss that. During that time I was also was not dealing with this ongoing depression - so there's that. I used to enjoy being outside more and going for runs. 

You know what?...I just don't think I've ever adjusted to family life.  That's sad.