# Christmas

(this post written in haste. forgive the atrocious errors in grammar etc. I'll probably edit this later.)

This year we technically don't celebrate Christ's nativity until January 7. It's nice to be separated from the commerciality of westernized christmas. For many years I have been struggling with the whole ordeal of gift-giving, santa clause, reindeer and etc. It cheapens the true meaning of what christians are supposed to be celebrating. It's also overwhelming, needlessly so.

So as a christian, one of the most liberating things I've done was find Eastern Orthodoxy. I know, many people would still roll there eyes at this - which is their prerogative.  But since converting from the typical western protestant evangelical version of christianity, I've realized just how messed up the western tradition is.

Yes, it's still a "conservative" faith when compared to the anything-goes mentality of the west today, but it's much understanding of human struggles, the theology of the faith is much deeper, and it's more historically informed than that western christianity. Funny topics like that of the comic above are actually discussed within the faith of Orthodoxy. They certainly don't shy away from controversy and intelligent discussion. And I like that they know where to draw the line... there are just some things that CAN'T be dialoged because there's no comparison between the topics - like oil and water. 

Aside from this new-to-me discovery of an entirely different way of viewing God...

I've long been repulsed by christmas holiday celebrations. People turn into jerks. I haven't seen my husband for days and days because of all the insane christmas shopping binges. The kids have lame christmas concerts all about santa and elves and ringing bells with depression... yeah, depression. At this moment (christmas eve) the only decorations i have up in the house were made by the kids while they were in (public) school. To be fair, I did put up an outdoor patio light garland, but I do that sort of thing regardless. I would ban gift giving in our family if I had any measure of control over other family members, even though I ask Husband to relay the message along. That said, I did pick up some Star Wars sticker books, and reading books for the kids to unwrap. Perhaps I'd feel really guilty if I didn't have anything to surprise them with, so I make up for it by getting them small things. I think each year their little piles get less and less. I'd rather just get them small things for fun, but I wish I didn't like I had to. And they never complain about what they get, even though they beg all year for crap. 

I've also got to know people from other countries and learn about how they celebrate christmas within Orthodoxy in their home country. I think there's lots of room for us to create our own traditions as time goes on. And perhaps that's what the majority of my problems are with regards to consumerism and a supposed religious holiday - I need to establish a break between the winter celebration and the nativity of our savior. Maybe Christians need to give the day back to the pagans ;) 

So anyway, Happy nativity. 

# homesick for somewhere that makes me sad (part1)

Is this sick? Or do I legit miss something special about someplace that reminds me of a sad and difficult time? In particular, Im thinking/remembering heavily on the Mission Inn in Riverside, Ca.

This is not a commercial post. I don't care if anyone visits or knows about this hotel, although I personally think it's a pretty cool campus. But I am truly "down" this holiday season (as is usual), and in many ways I "miss" parts of southern California that I would normally NEVER want to visit. But with so many things that freak me out about my home stomping grounds, (and remind me of many sad times) why is this so?

Perhaps I have explained that I loath the Christmas season. This wasn't always so, although there were many aspects of the holidays that made me uncomfortable from an early age. As I've gotten older (and maybe more depressive) the ordeals of adulthood have really put a stink in the festivities for me. There are many reasons i could list for why this is, but I didn't really want to dwell on those things right now since I feel I'm always searching within myself for "WHY I AM THE WAY I AM", if that makes any sense. Basically, I don't think I truly understand myself with regard to this particular issue. 

I have a clear sense of a sort of time travel during this part of the year. I remember the cold, dry air of walking around downtown Riverside, wrapped in my heavy vintage coats, still dressed in my black attire (uniform) from working at the [tremendously popular] coffee house. I was usually alone during these walks, and they may have occurred at night or late afternoon. I spent a lot of time alone, thinking, trying to not maintain any sense of stability. There was a cute little coffee house that was a part of the Inn, and I'd usually get a hot chocolate and just people watch. 

Ok, quick insert. I wasn't completely a loner. I spent lots of times hanging out with friends, going swing dancing, bar hopping, and other stuff. But, because of my depression, I did spend LOTS of time alone. 

Perhaps, this "time travel" is actually what's making me sad. Although I'm beset by a strong urge to get in the car and drive off to Riverside. It feels like a fricken homing beacon in my mind. And what would it accomplish? Would it be a relief? Would I be more depressed? Maybe it would be cathartic, and facilitate a much needed breakdown. 

Do you ever feel this way? - That sometimes it's really hard to breakdown, or cry, or release these miserable feelings. 

... I was fighting off the effects of all the dementors with all the chocolates. 

# Why Agents of Shield bothers me

We've been going through the Agents of Shield series, hubby and I. It's ok. Typically not my kind of genre, even though I love corny sci-fi/space opera stuff. It's very comic bookish - which is fun - it's just not a genre that makes me jump up and down. In fact, it totally reminds me of Firefly, and I can't watch it without comparing the two. It's very unfair, i know. But there you are.

Yes, I realize Joss and his bro had a hand in it, and probably some of the crew worked on Firefly...or maybe even Dollhouse. But there are funny obvious linkages that I can't see past. Let me explain:

Zoe vs May - Gina was amazing as Zoe, and portrayed stoic and tough-girl brilliantly, while still making her lighter side believable as when she'd crack a joke, or tease Wash. Basically, I bought Zoe's character. But the Melinda May hardass persona is way too contrived, and it just seems forced. I don't know if it's the fault of the actress (loved to hate her in Stargate Uni), or the writers, but I don't buy the character. At all. She annoys me.

River vs. Skye - Ok, whatthehell, how many mysterious female lead stories is Joss going to tell? (Oh yeah, don't forget Echo.) We have a really cute, young girl that some unknown shit was done to. With River it was mental probes. Skye now has alien blood and a mysterious birth. The people they live with are freaked out by then because they most likely have some weird, funky powers, and no one knows if they'll just lose it one day and kill them all in their beds. Really, I'm barley interested in Skye's storyline at this point.

Serenity (aka Mal's "boat") vs.  S.H.I.E.L.D. Globemaster (aka "the Bus") -  Really? Do I even need to discuss the direct crossover here? Let's also not talk about the layout of the set, ie the cargo hold leading directly into the science lab (Shield)/ med bay (Firefly). Ok, that just irks me. I guess there's not much you can do with an airplane, or belly of a cargo ship... but I can't get past it, OK. Even the engines swivel, making the whole shape of the exterior remind me of Serenity. I can't help it!

The Mule vs. Lola. It's so cute the way they name their little extracurricular vehicles.

One last thing that i can think of and then i promise to stop pissing on the show, because the truth is it's not a terrible series.

So if you remember in Firefly there is an important scene which introduces River. Mal kicks open the lid of her refrigerated container, releasing thick vapors which are clouding all around a young, naked girl tucked into the fetal position. It's a very cool scene and the reveal is quite a big one, but to which Mal underwhelmingly responds with, "Huh." The scene abruptly ends and you're kind of left going, "But, wait, didn't he see the girl...in the box...frozen?" It's kind of comical. Well - you guessed it - a similar thing happens with Agent Coulson (who is super hot for an older dude, by the way) as he discovers the secret to his surviving being KILLED. It's a really good reveal, so i won't spoil it yet. Again, a huge secret exposed to which he simply responds, "Huh." Scene ends abruptly. Had I not already been comparing Firefly with Shield, I most likely would have giggled at the scene. Instead, Im sorry to say, I was ANNOYED!

So why do I watch it? Mostly because hubby does, and i get snuggles out of it. =)

Ok, so I will say that I totally KNOW that the Bus is basically another character in the show, not just a passive piece of background. It's their home and it plays a huge part in the way the characters behave. It's as close to space opera as I'm going to get these days. But I can't help but feel that this is just another chance for Whedon and Co. to remake Firefly. And honestly, that kind of stings and makes me sad. I'd rather just have old Firefly because I'm not a big comic book fan. But apparently, a lot of other people are.

Here's some cats:

http://www.jennyparks.com/catvengers

# this pleases me