My decades ago ex boyfriend is watching my [other] blog ... again. I think he found it through Instagram. Oh well it doesn’t matter how he found it. He always seems to find my spaces online. He’s determined, I guess.
I shouldn’t care , but I do. I care that I don’t know his intentions, and that he’s satisfied with lurking rather than reaching out just to say ‘hello’. Well I’m not satisfied.
But why?
I suppose because I don’t have control over this particular situation? ...Once again.
Or maybe I feel he’s not worthy to read about my life, some of which is very personal. It’s one thing for strangers to read your diary you purposely left out, but another for your ex boyfriend whom you thought you’d marry and have kids with to do it.
Why is he still watching me?
His girlfriend-wife-whatever she is would not be happy about this.
I’m debating - again - if I should block him or not. This gives control back to me, which is important for me , I think. Plus Ive become quite obsessed with looking for his ip # in the stats. I don’t like that I do that. I just want to write and not think about him, because it possibly affects how I write and what I write.
It’s well and good for him to look into my life, sneak around, as it were, and insert himself into my life, but not to leave an invitation into his? It’s his prerogative I guess but it does suck ,and seems selfish. He’s always been a bit selfish actually.
Is there any benefit to me in letting him see all my stuff? He’s always done this, it’s so fricken weird.
He visits my other site at least twice per week but sometimes more. It kind of drives me bonkers.
I thought of laying it on thick how physical me and the husband are (because even though it’s true that we are intensely physical, I think his sex life is not very good and he’s expressed jealousy at the thought of me having sex with my husband) , but what’s the point in that? It would be for a show, to hopefully make him not want to read my posts anymore. Except the writing would not be for genuine expression purposes. And That’s not me. (Well ,I don’t want it to be.)
I’ve layed one little trap to see how much he actually is watching me. But what I might do is list my blog in a forum or something. It would be nice to have interactive visitors to my blog rather than to be focusing on one lurker from my past.
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