On the way there i was sort of praying in a hectic way to God, saying: Please give me a sign- type of prayer. On the way i passed by 3 deer grazing in an empty field. 3! I couldn't help but be excited by that little surprise. And the Lord knows how i love seeing the deer.
I thought this was going to be a vespers service but it turned out to be a full on eucharist NO mass. I had heard some traditionalists complain that it was a shame that the church includes a saturday evening mass to accommodate people who want to have a free sunday. I don't know about all that but i did think about it. As i sat there i felt as though it was such an unfair accusation to throw around. It felt like perhaps God was dealing with this issue within me.
I thought this was going to be a vespers service but it turned out to be a full on eucharist NO mass. I had heard some traditionalists complain that it was a shame that the church includes a saturday evening mass to accommodate people who want to have a free sunday. I don't know about all that but i did think about it. As i sat there i felt as though it was such an unfair accusation to throw around. It felt like perhaps God was dealing with this issue within me.
I really did feel like he was settling some of these controversies that have been bothering me, as if to make sure that i was not going to come into his church with doubt or baggage, which is why i'm writing this all down so i don't forget.
Next issue- and this may seem unfair- was the music.
I know a lot of catholics lament their own church's musical practices. But i was not necessarily bothered by the seemingly bland performances by the singer or congregation. It was peaceful. Had i understood how to use the hymn book and all those numbers, i would have sung or read along too. Dare i say that i liked the congregational singing.
Ad orientum.
Funny enough the priest had a homily that touched on this topic through the larger topic of how we should all be facing Jesus in the east. How the churches were -at least in the past- oriented east. And how the priest is supposed to also be oriented east. I appreciated that he made these points to the people and didn't shove them away as something old and unimportant. He even made mention that he will sometimes do a wedding facing away from the people (ad orientum), and his own private masses are also facing ad orientum/east/towards Jesus. He even pointed out that the church was given a new crucifix for the altar table with Jesus on both sides so that he too now can face Jesus. It seemed a very sweet and childlike thing. ( I will have to mark down the old testament reading he referenced.) He even weaved in some Lord of the Rings and that famous part where Gandalf rides in from the eastern sunrise with a bunch of Rohirim. ❤️
General traditionalism.
NO is not the rigid traditional kind of service. It's a bit tough to adjust from the traditional eastern rite and think NO isn't damaging. But i seemed to feel the Lord remind me that it's about what's in the heart of his people, and how the people revere him there. And then he pointed out that my personality doesn't really like "traditional" anyway so i really shouldn't be bothered just because it looks different that how it's "supposed to be." It helped that the service was peaceful, prayerful, meditative, quiet, reverent.
Eucharistic ministers.
I don't know what to think about this one too much. It appeared that everyone there took receiving the Lord seriously. One line of people received from the layperson, and a second line from the priest. I don't believe anyone received on the tongue (covid regs) , and i don't recall seeing anyone kneel. But being that in the eastern rite we stand while receiving it was not shocking to me. Receiving in the hand was also not as shocking to me either, perhaps because i'm used to how we receive antidoron. So at this moment i am not all together uncomfortable with the process, but i am continuing to ask the Lord if perhaps i should be concerned with anything regarding it.
The kiss of peace:
This seemed very protestant to me but because of covid most people just waved hello. I'm used to bowing so i kind of just did that in return.
Hardly anyone wore a mask. And there were loads of very elderly people. God bless them.
The priest's message in the bulletin was one of encouragement, even on the issue of death. It was refreshing to hear/read a pastor talk about it as something not to fear, which is a different message we have been getting at St Andrew's.
All in all i had a prayerful, calm experience and i want to visit again.
And i met two older ladies, Joy and Carmen, who were very nice and asked me how i liked the service, and hoped i would come back.
I get the feeling that the Lord has been slowly walking me through this journey. I have probably made it slower being that i am unsure of everything in life. Nonetheless, he is responding to my prayers. And God knows that this decision for me must be certain and confident, which is why i think he's been so patient with me. This tail end of the journey is the absolute last route i would have ever expected to go. Ever. This never ever should have happened if you understood where i came from religiously.
dear Grama,
please forgive me for giving you a hard time. It was unfair of me. I miss you.
Dearest Lord,
you must be laughing at me. I'm laughing too. 😂
