Im attempting something new. I've been very much affected by recent news of violent acts upon children. From the evil crap that happens in the middle east, to the s**t stories I read last night about a little 2 year old. These stories make me cry. And what can i do but pray and cry to God.
So Im sitting at my icon corner and its about 2 in the morning. The kitties have a water fountain and so you can always hear the trickling. It's still hot in the house so there is a very loud floor fan humming away most annoyingly. But I'm writing things by candle light, on paper, and trying to claim a bit of calm before tomorrow hits me.
Orthodox don't meditate, per se. We "meditate" on God, God's word, God's presence in our lives. We can pray meditatively, descending into our hearts, with the purpose of connecting with God in our hearts. I don't know how Buddhists pray, but Orthodox prayer can be very centering. I just wish I was more disciplined in the way I pray. Normally we stand, and show honor and reverence for God by doing so. Usually I just sit.
Today was busy but good. Church was fine, and the Husband and I had a nice talk with another couple who shared some of their life experiences with us. I felt very connected to [the wife]. I'll call her Ela. We have a lot in common in terms of some of the struggles we deal with. PTSD, being highly sensitive, very emotional, and a little ocd (from anxiety), and a bit "batty", lool.
When Im going through my most difficult times it feels like I'm totally alone, and no one will understand. But the more I try to convince myself of this [false] fact, the more God shows me that it's not true. One of these days I'll learn. I've always been a slow learner.
Later in the evening I gathered all the family into the van and headed to the lake for a swim. It was still mid 90s and warm enough, but all the shade tricked the brain into thinking it was chilly. Still, the kiddos enjoyed themselves and we pretty much had the whole place to ourselves. I'll be sad when it become too cold to swim, but I won't miss this heat. Summers make me depressed as much as dark winters do. Only I actually love rain. But I do not love the heat. Or air conditioning fake air. Anyway, I'm trying to get in our last summer afternoon adventures.
I ordered some Charlotte's Webb from the Stanley Brothers in Colorado. The last I had heard there was no way to get any unless you lived there or were on their waiting list, which had requirements just to get on. Even the eldest Stanley brother made on one of their Ted Talks that even he couldn't use it because of priority demands. But I guess they have expanded more, reduced their THC content even further (I may be wrong as it was always very low), and state laws have improved. C.W. is now considered a supplement and not a class 1 drug, so I'm looking forward to getting in about a week in the mail.
