My life is a fking wreck rn. It’s all or mostly in my head.
My head is a wreck. I don’t know if it’s changing the season or simply mental exhaustion of the long season. I try to help myself with rn I’m taking Japanese , and before that I took a master gardening class, but in the end everything seems so worthless, or meaningless, or a waste of time. It’s terrible it affects everything when I get that way. Like all the energy and happiness about that thing I was so interested in is just zapped away, and I’m left feeling depressed and empty and unsure of myself in any meaningful way. I don’t know if I’m going to continue taking classes next semester. I want to, would like to, but I can’t seem to handle the pressure of doing that and just living everyday life. I’m very confused. I’ve also got no confidence in myself for anything.
I’ve also really got to stop talking about all this with my husband. I’m making it worse.
I don’t know what would help. I thought getting out of the house and studying things that interested me would help. I think they do, but they also bring other problems like what I already stated. I think maybe I should take a music class. I think I fucked up by not pushing music. Not that I would have been a great musician, I’m sure I would have been adequate at least. But there is something missing from my life and nothing really fills it. Oh yea I have God but even right now I have no zeal for anything spiritual . My energy will not permit it. And I do believe music is healing and can draw us close to our creator. I hope I am right. I fucked up my life. It feels like I can’t survive much longer like this, it’s not sustainable.
