sitting by myself. it's late at night. just read some disturbing news online and now i feel so low. i can't imagine what the people this tragedy i read about are feeling. the human is race is just not right. its sick. and i often hate it. i often dont want to interact. dont want to connect.... I would rather flee, avoid, live away from others, reject so much of what is normal and expected.... and yet i have problems that make even me less than an ideal member of the human race. maybe in my efforts to change my life in this way i feel that it will help transform me into that ideal person i want to be.... i havent made a difference in my own life, let alone anyone else's. I brought children into this world that i cant even take care of properly. at least that's what i feel.
I've been quite agitated lately. Very angry with people & circumstances. I've been speaking my mind a little too much, I think. Especially on a stupid social network like Facebook it can be so easy to just go off and vent, and not really care about what others are going to say. I think the most backlash you can get is from Facebook, unlike some other social networks. So i've upset, pissed people off, offended relatives in recent weeks. I kind of care. But mostly i dont. Its just what i do I guess. I vent. I need to. But as I've often realized FB is not the place to do it. Twitter's ok. ... I hate social networks and all this rubbish "connecting" and "friending" shit. So phony anyway.
