4:44.
I had just come home from school feeling terrible physically but also emotionally. I'm trying to eat a meat diet again because I've been feeling so bad, but the transition is a really difficult time for me. My head hurts, it's a smokey day, my allergies are activated, i can't think, i feel sluggish, and so I'm not feeling my best.
I grabbed a burger patty for lunch and really dragged my feet back to school so i could practice on the piano. My mood was pretty low and i was finding myself becoming more and more negative about my efforts.
"I suck." "Why am i doing this?" "What do i think I'm going to accomplish?" "I'll never attain my dream, just give up."
After an hour of dinking around on piano i packed up and left the room, and walked to get a drink of water. On the way i passed the concert orchestra getting ready to practice and i felt s pain, and my heart just sunk.
The negative thoughts intensified.
After i came home i shoved a piece of Boston Cream Pie into my mouth hoping to alleviate the headache. Then i told Jim how i was feeling. He was very loving in his response which was essentially that it was worth it to get me out of the house and be around other people, as well as to learn something that i enjoy, and to enjoy that process.
He was very sweet about it.
After I finished my pie i went to lie down in bed. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time: 4:44. I always take a notice when this happens and thought of God at that moment. Then i got a small notion that Im just not ready yet for all that extra activity of concert groups and such, because my body isn't ready.
It's hard enough to get through a regular day, let alone to add onto it with more activities, as fun as they can be. My health needs tending to right now. Soon, though.
