calm kitty hugs

Today is Husband’s last day of vacation with us.

He hoped to get us, or at least the boys, to communion today but it just wasn’t gona happen.

My anxiety has been a real fight for me but this morning I ate some eggs first thing and I did start to feel more “even”. There is no doubt in my mind that protein in the morning helps me feel better with morning time anxiety. So... I’m ok mentally with eggs, possibly bacon, but for now I’ll just stick with eggs as a go-to.

I’m currently cleaning my kitchen and it’s a very slow process. I soap up everything. It becomes more of a mess than before I start cleaning. But in the end it’s sparkly clean and I know germs are mostly gone. At the very least it alleviates my anxiety of having to see it a dirty wreck.

As I was cleaning I was listening to some of my favorite ost music. (Natsume) I remembered how cathartic watching certain movies and shows can be, such as Howels Moving Castle and Natsume, which always make me tear up, if not outright start bawling. I know that urge to let go is already there, but the movies just help to bring it out into the surface so I can release it. It’s helpful, and I haven’t experienced this in a while.

I get scared and panic-filled thinking about Hubby going back to work, and leaving me behind to deal with life alone. I wanted to break down on him this morning. I told him I felt so weak and that I couldn’t do life like a normal person. It’s exhausting.

I’m going to try my best to repeat bible verses when I start to feel panic. I’m not really helped by the Jesus prayer during these times, but I started saying a few positive affirmation verses while going through it (the panic) this morning and I believe they helped. Example: Nothing can separate me from the love of God . And: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have my little prayer rope (rosary) I love to just hold onto and not actually count prayers with, although I might at times, so I will try to use it more.

Ideas:
Transcribe some Natsume and Wow themes for duet. Crochet Nyanko Sensei.

More gardens: https://www.minnpost.com/second-opinion/2020/05/having-your-own-garden-and-spending-time-in-it-improves-health-and-well-being-study-suggests/