Stresses have been so high for me lately. I dread being home in the day with eldest. I will sometimes emerge from the bedroom very late in the morning because i dread dealing with his own drama and hyperactive personality. In actuality, i can't deal/ handle it.
So i sometimes shut down.
Shutting down is good and helpful. It keeps me from going apeshit, or postal, or whatever other descriptor you like for 'going crazy'.
But sometimes i am unable to do this, and get pushed near the edge where the invasive thoughts start to really disturb.
Today, as i was approaching a curve in the road, i imagined slamming into a tree there. Those thoughts and feelings are so automatic, reactionary, and without logic. In fact, i had to talk sense back into myself and say something like, "You don't really want to do that. Once you get calm you will see."
These are things i hate dealing with, and am also too used to. At what point do i say enough is enough? At what point am i a literal danger to people?
And do i even mention that my kids were also in the car?
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