# paralyzed

Im pretty paralyzed at the moment due to some anxiety.

I havent been able to juice because the house is a wreck (the wreck makes my chest tight with anxiety) and looking at the veg or mess just make me freeze.

So i end up walking away.

Pretty familiar. Still a fucking irritating thing to deal with.

Im also super down on myself for being a fucking ugly ass woman.

I hate wearing makeup. I only started really collecting and wearing it the last couple of years.

My skin is shit, with acne, or very large, red scars.

My skin has sun damage, wrinkled areas, blotchiness... its FUGLY.

I hate looking at myself. But Im obsessed with trying to look LESS ugly.

Its fucking hopeless. I sometimes dont know what my husband sees in me.

The stupid part? The makeup makes me look worse!

Im wasting my life watching video after video of YT makeup demos that don't even do anything positive for me.

Im a fat cow.

Im useless at homemaking.

Im useless and homeschooling.

Im useless at cooking.

Im useless at taking care of the kids.

Im just a fucking waste of space.

Im obsessed / fixated on things that I wish I just didn't give a shit about.

I hate the internet and all its distractions. I wander the webs in "escape" and procrastination, only to end up feeling worse at the end of the day.

My husband won't get rid of the internet and is in fucking love with all this shitty technology surrounding us.

I would be much better off, and happier, in the mountains with minimal things to distract me and clutter up my head.

Why won't he fucking help me!?