☆ I heard from a cousin this morning that my grama is not doing very well, and that i should go and see her before she forgets who i am. She lives on the other end of the state, about 12 hours away. And there's lots of baggage there, too. But i love my grama, and I need to go.
☆ I've been receiving more visits from my Pasadena based lurker, ie ex bf. - The proxies just aren't working, sweeheart.
I've been trying to consider what to do about this. I can't explain again the Whys of why this bothers me, but basically i don't trust his intentions. I especially dont like the idea that it also may be his girlfriend viewing. So I'm taking a chance and addressing my concerns directly to him.
I initially wrote something on that blog last night, but took it down earlier today. I don't know why, but I decided to compose a more amicable email asking him why he's lurking me. Tonight I saw a lovely visit from someone from Germany, using the same vpn with the same systems stats as him. Yay.
So I have my email pretty much ready to go with screenshots to show that I KNOW what's going on.
But do I send it? The anxiety in my chest over all of this has caused my bout of vertigo today, i know it.
The anxiety in my chest while i was writing and collecting screenshots was overwhelming.
The anxiety i get just from thinking about his response makes me ill. The fact that he might respond to me gives me butterflies, not in a good or pleasant way at all. I don't want to have a response from him.
And yet... I feel that i need to address this directly.
So what do I do...
I guess I'll let you know.
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