tired of being tired

I'm pretty fatso these days. My hubby won't even let me say that I'm fat anymore, and instead makes me say "Fluffy"! Just like the picture! D'awww.

Whatever. Im fat and feel gross. It's hard to see where my depression ends and my physically unhealthy existence begins.

Everything I do is exhausting. Some days are worse than others. Breathing is even exhausting. Let alone trying to move my body around for exercise.

There was one day, a couple of weeks ago, my hubby and I went walking, and then ran strides afterward. It felt wonderfully hard. As I sit here writing and feeling like it's such a huge effort to just sit upright in my chair, I can't imagine how I had the energy to do that workout.

I know depression literally sucks the life out of you. So does being a fatty. All I want to do is sleep, and my body feels so damn heavy when I move. Im pretty irritable, and negative, and angry right now.

I'm always fantasizing about going all veg/fruit/nuts "diet". Yes, to lose weight, but also because I feel that most of the food I put in my body is slowly killing it. Perhaps that's an unhealthy and unrealistic obsession I have, although I still eat crap even though I don't want to. Perhaps it is because I feel so addicted to the shit we normally eat that my brain is pushing for the extreme end of the spectrum: uber natural.

Im just so tired and being tired, and feeling shitty, and this damn depression.