Today is one of those days. Instead of slamming my head into the wall i just had to write something.
I will come to no grand conclusions by doing this but it merely helps to lessen the load within my own head.
(i so need my own HP universe pensieve)
One thing will cause me to explode. And then wave after wave of hatful thoughts come rushing into mind.
I hate my house.
I hate living here.
I hate that nobody picks up their shit.
I hate that we have so much shit.
I hate cooking because the kids bitch and moan about the food.
I hate that it's so fucking hot.
I hate that i have no time for myself.
I hate that my kids scream and whine all the fucking time.
I hate that my husband is so complacent or seems to not care about certain things.
I hate that i feel "sick" or not my best all the time.
I hate that I'm so hateful.
I hate that I have to deal with feeling all of this.
I hadn't taken any medicinal tincture in the last several days because there's a lot going on and I didn't want to be zombied out of my fricken ability to get shit done. I did, however, finally have to medicate last night because I felt like a crazy angry person and so it did help me to sleep. I woke up feeling super lethargic and shitty, though.
I hate that!
( I'm starting to relax a little bit as I'm writing... )
Seriously my mind was so fucked up right now that I was going to call my husband and tell him to come home because I was d.o.n.e. and going to leave. Not permanently, but who seriously knows when I get like that.
I've tried to figure if it's an overtimulation something, since that's usually what it feels like. Why the fuck do i just "lose it"? Either I continue on this path of psycho-ness, or take my meds (whether its cannibus or some other pharmaceutical doesn't matter) and become a fucking zombie and just deal with being lethargic and not being able to get tasks done. Great fucking choice, eh?
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