❀ (part1) am I on the spectrum?

No kitties but still cute. Birdie Kitheths

One of the things i hate about the autism community - well the autism-warrior-tigerblood-mama (or whatever they want to call themselves) - is how so many of these women do not like to hear about stats or studies that may implicate them as the guilty party who passed down the blessing of autism to their child. (I realize "blessing" may be subjective here but there are indeed some positive things about having kiddos on the spectrum. ) Anyway, I've become so annoyed by this that I don't really like to follow the autism mama blogs anymore.   I've even thought to myself that science better look out for these people more than the religious groups because if they had their way they would disqualify such studies from the public record. I've even stopped going to the autism forums because there was  a lot of misunderstanding and clashing between the people who actually were autistic and the moms. I started to realize that there is a real risk of moms touting the "its all about me" attitude more than considering what's best for their kids, and the issues of scientific studies on the above topic helped me see that.

** Let me insert this: Now I totally understand that sometimes we need a safe place to vent. And maybe the forum should have been qualified as a mom only club... I don't know. I do know that while our children are small it is all about US being their advocates in a way most parents don't really have to experience. We can't help but make everything all about us. **

Ok, back to the main topic:: Well I like to see the data. I like to know what's being researched because that's what science is. My background in college included a lot of sciences. I'm fascinated by it. The answers are there... somewhere. Some of the studies and reviews may seem useless, and indeed many may ultimately prove to be useless and a waste of money, but there are a lot of connections that can be made down the road between seemingly unrelated topics. So I don't mind if studies come out and say there may be a link between mom's depression and children with autism, or a mom who was abused (uh, hello does no one see how this effects hormone levels?). I take it with a grain of salt and wait for conclusive evidence  of causality to occur, which may be years down the line if ever. But in the meantime is does give us something to think about and expand on. Im not afraid of that. And I'm less afraid to put people straight if they have jumped to the non confirmed conclusion. Big deal.

Because sometimes things are shitty. 

I would think that by this time in our scientific advancement another "refrigerator mother" situation would not rear it's ugly head. Im sure all the autie mom's would yell foul anyway, as would I. But the fact remains, some mom groups are freaked out by this, and discourage publicizing studies that implicate them AT ALL. And I think this is unfair to their children who actually struggle with , for lack of a better description, the condition of autism. They deserve to know, too. 

All of these thoughts lead me here; I've always felt there was something in my biology that was passed down to my kids. Perhaps I'm wrong in this, who knows. Sure, in the beginning it hurt to think about this. But as I've learned more, watched my babies grow over the years, and longed for answers closer to our genetic makeup and biochemistry, my understanding of myself is really starting to change. Not that I was in denial about myself, i just don't think I had as broad of an understanding.

He used to hide behind this wall and pounce on unsuspecting younglings walking by. *Pounce!*

Well ... I've been thinking I might actually be on the spectrum. There are several reason why I think this but at this moment I don't want to write a huge blog entry on it. So I'll save it for the next entry. 

The fact is, our bodies are so fricken complex and beautiful and PERFECT. Things go wrong, how could they not?! It is an unfair and  cruel trick of this corrupt earthly life, but I'm still enamored by our physical selves. The balance our bodies have to maintain is friggin amazing despite all the abuse we put it through. If you don't believe me, go learn some basic physiology or biochemistry. My goodness, your outlook might change. It's more than just a vaccine jab. It HAS to be. Don't you want to know how or why that is?? These mom's make me fearful for the future of autism related science, and relations between the autistic population we're trying so hard to protect and ourselves. And Im not kidding. 

... to be continued.