My anxiety is often set off by "stuff". We have a lot of stuff. Not unlike many other households but I'm overwhelmed by it. Kids' toys all over - and I mean all over strewn across multiple bedrooms and the garage. Most are Legos, too, so , you know, good luck not getting stabbed in the foot in the middle of the night as you make your parental rounds to check said small humans. Ouch.
Then there's the clothes. The laundry pile has its own gravitational pull because I absolutely hate it more than anything. There are several reasons why I hate it but i won't go into that right now. Suffice to say it's a monster. The closets are bursting at the seams and there are bins out in the garage that hold even MORE clothing, you know, just in case I actually lose this ugly body fat and am able to fit in my pre-baby clothing. Im not unusual in this, just pathetic.
Then we have all the electronics (and cables and plugs and batteries and blahblahblah), too many dishes and appliances, random things that go with other random things that I don't even know what they are, drawers that we call "junk drawers" were you're likely to find bits of duct tape, loose change, picture brackets, batteries, the odd screwdriver or birthday candles and etc... you know the feeling?
I've tried many methods to try and simplify, organize, and make life easier. But each method fails and I'm left with the remnants of organizational capsules and buckets. Enter: Minimalism. I day dream about true minimalism. I imagine living in a Tinyhouse or vintage airstream, having a couple changes of clothes, eating simple one-pot meals everyday (oh that my kids would actually eat the good things i put in front of their faces. /sigh), and traveling around on a permanent camping holiday. The freedom of such a thing, yes?
The trouble is I don't actually know if this would help with my anxiety over being swallowed up by our crap. And I actually like the idea of life as a Hobbit, who have a love of good food, comfortable spaces, and creature comforts that make living life in your own backyard enjoyable and more attractive and more complete than anything else out there... well unless your name is Bilbo in which case you're an anomaly. (Yes, that was my nerd face.)
I've discovered that my reaction to our mess/clutter results in the strong impulse to set everything on fire, all in an effort to control the situation in the quickest and most obvious way possible. But lets consider the patterns that many of us depressed people have: Something can trigger an episode of depression or anxiety, I may then fixate on something unrelated to my trigger, and then either react by getting pissed off at everybody or everything (hence the Kill It With Fire attitude), or go all immobilized and then more depressed that I'm sitting and stewing and not doing anything to change the situation because if I did I'd go all panic attack. Whew! What a stoopid cycle. Oh yeah, and the cycle will probably repeat a few times before i get a handle on it.
Fun.
One of my goals for this year was to embark on a journey toward minimalism. I honestly don't know how far I'll get in that journey but there have been some small beneficial changes so far. Definitely having some greenmedicine to ease any of my anxiety helps, allowing me to think less reactionary and emotional to our situation, and more practical according to the needs of the family. Example: 2 crockpots for a family of 5 versus just the 1. We'll see, though.
Oh and before I forget:
Keep calm and *kitty hugs*
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| I'll hug you but you have to get past these whiskers first. ❦ |
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