- im so distracted. unfocused. unmotivated. and having anxiety because of it.
- I hate this cycle.
- I honestly dont know what im supposed to be doing with my life. i feel if i had a job at least i'd have some kind of schedule. but then the kids ... that could get complicated.
- i almost feel that i have to totally strip every bit of self identify and desires away, just to focus on becoming a more happy sahm.
- a maid. thats how it feels sometimes. im a fucking maid. and no one gives enough shits to --- nevermind. it is what it is.
- our unschooling isn't going that great either. it has potential. but my kid is going to suffer for my being lost. i don't want him to suffer and surprisingly he already seems more relaxed since being out of traditional school. a definite change in his personality.
- the anxiety over leaving my house is starting to come back into play. i still havent changed out my meds so the anxiety is getting stronger and stronger. soon i'll have another 3 week stint of not ever leaving the house. this is bullshit.
- sometimes i wish we lived (or rather, I lived) in an empty box of a house, with only a bed, dresser, and a few "hobby" supplies (a book, crochet, music). no clothes - or just a few changes of them, no people to bother me, no twitter, no facebook, no competing with online personalities.
- i want just silence, sunlight, and the ability to indulge in some creativity. I don't have any creative outlet that really allows me to be ME, or that frees me from everything i hate about this life, an escape that most people crave when they log into mmo's.
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