I had just got done crying buckets from reading a couple of very emotional and REAL posts about the aftermath, then somehow got sucked into a forum thread which discussed the blog, this event, and general observations about the family, that being of the parents mental and emotional states.
I don't want to regurgitate everything because my heart is actually heavy from filling my brain with all that shit. Sensitive people should stay away from this blog (which i don't want to mention).
Suffice it to say that I feel absolutely horrible about what happened to them. And there is no way I will be following that blog on a regular basis, if ever, because I'm fearful that the remaining children may also be in danger.
I simply cannot expose myself emotionally to things like that. This is also why I can't regularly read or keep up with the news - it's a trigger for me that will send me off the rails. I'm sure many can relate.
Anyway, Im wondering what to do now. Its approaching the middle of the morning and there are things i need to do but have no desire to do them. I honestly feel like eating an entire chocolate cake by myself. I would do it, too. But then I'd probably barf it up.
It's fears like that that keep me at home because, shit, it's safer than going out to the world where I'd probably mindlessly wander in somewhere and buy a fucking cake. This example, while being true to my thought pattern, is probably ridiculous but it is a "harmless" way of self medicating that many people don't ever think about as being necessarily bad:
It's just ONE MORE WAY to placate the nerves, if even it's only temporary.
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| My boy kitty capture this little thing and brought him inside to "play". We released him back into the wild after he was recovered. |
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| We were swarmed by geese who hang out by the river and hoping for some noms. Notice the poop stained car park. |
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