I thought i knew what i was going to write here, but it turns out I've gone blank.
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I'm going to make an appointment with an actual psychologist. Things are not getting better and Im a bit scared to mess around with cannabis again. I like it for how it tones down the anxiety, but i can't trust that it wont cause more panic attacks. Plus, it didn't address the depression, which means I'd have to cycle or find some kind of blend, and I just dont have the patience or brains for that sort of thing right now.
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You know what I was thinking?
I was thinking that medication (pharmaceuticals) is not for everyone. Yet, Im probably going to be talked into getting on something.
I don't think everyone can "recover" either. I can understand why some people are more suited to being a hermit, or living a homeless life, or living so far away from society so as to basically not exist. Can I imagine that? I hope I never have to. Well, except for the living far away from society bit. Only, I sometimes feel like the only thing that would really help me, calm me, make me feel "normal", is to be away from all of society, noise, and common stresses. Is it because modern life is so unnatural? I think that is a distinct possibility.
Some of us, through our personal history and traumas, become very sensitive creatures. Too sensitive. Maybe it makes a difference WHEN you were exposed to the traumas, ie adult vs childhood. Some traumas just change us, down to the atomic level. How do you fight that?
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