Please kittyhug me David. <3
About 8 years ago I discovered the raw food movement. I researched, started making foods (that were gross or complicated), bought some books, and quickly fell away from it. I think the pressure of providing meals that the family actually wanted to eat made me quickly give up. I felt guilty trying to make them eat things they didn't want to or that weren't filling. So I stayed preparing s.a.d. style - not every day as I at least had enough knowledge how to eat healthy as a vegetarian (or modified one)... so I thought.
Over the years my personal health has deteriorated, Ive had even more children who hate healthy food, and my cooking style has gotten worse. I HATE food. I HATE cooking and I HATE eating. My health/well being is going down the drain. Im convinced that my depression is strongly related to my diet. I think I have an overgrowth of candida. I have body aches because I'm fat. I can't sleep. I have anxiety issues. I hate myself. Im always bloated. I'm exhausted.
So if I know all this why haven't I just gone back on the diet/lifestyle?
As much as my little family may love me, they are a terrible influence on me. And I have no one to keep me accountable. And I have little self control when it comes to food issues - at least, in this time of my life I do.
I try to get by alone, which is bad for me. My instinct is to be a loner. I barely keep in contact with friends from the past. I don't have any friends where I live, although you could say I've met people and have acquaintances. I even have a dear friend from high school who lives in my town although I've never met up with her, or talked to her on the phone, and I've lived here for 5 years already.
Why do I seclude myself? I think I realize that I need people. And friends. Something happened while I was in my mid twenties and finishing college. That was the last time I actually MADE a new friend. Sadly she moved away, as did I. Myspace helped us stay in touch for a little while, lol. I think I'm just tired of things changing, people moving on, and etc.
So I stay a loner.
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