calm kitty hugs

Husband just came home. No matter how much i want him to, I know that he doesn't understand what I go through internally. I keep expecting him to help me, but i don't even know how to help me. I keep expecting him to be my knight in shining armor. Which is absurd because I hate that guys always feel they have to fix shit, even when they don't know what the hell they're doing.  Maybe he's giving up on me. Maybe he's just lost in his own issues. Maybe he's just out of ideas. Of course, he still won't get rid of the internet - I don't know if that's just my go-to argument for things or what. I feel like all the issues that ever were are just sitting on my chest. And because Im "not crazy" everybody thinks Im fine. I don't know how I've made it this far sometimes. I always feel like Im on the edge of something - like on the edge of being sane. I don't even know what that means. I might seriously move out of my house. And into the car. I think the only way he might take me seriously is if I start dumping all of my shit. I keep wallowing in it and all my issues, but I never make any moves toward doing what I feel is necessary for my survival. Actually, Im only just surviving. There is no thriving here at all. I can't even take care of my kids.