complex trauma sux

♡o。.(=`ω´=).。o♡

Just add kitties.

Highly sensitive with complex ptsd. Therapeutic journaling helps, but it can sometimes get overwhelming.

6/15/15

# therapy, day2

Well Im feeling a little bit better about my therapy session today. Our conversation seemed to meander a bit, consisted of many things I already knew, but also had a few helpful tips and insights.



Some basic health tips she gave me were to start taking some Vitamin D and magnesium. Apparently, being deficient in these can lead to a lessened ability to deal with certain stressors, and subsequently lead to symptoms of depression. This is quite interesting considering that I tested as being deficient in Vit D this past winter.

Another tip for dealing with anxiety/depress - which is obvious, but sometimes we just need to be "on notice" - is partaking in exercise or meditation. Apparently 20 or so minutes of meditation can have the same benefits as exercise, but it just takes longer in terms of time (not duration) to feel the effects of those benefits. Now, we didn't discuss exactly the mechanisms or the HOW of what's happening physiologically, but I'm assuming we're talking about biochemical responses. I will research this more and write about that in another post.


I asked her a couple of question on medicinal cannabis, and if she had any ideas why I would start to experience panic attacks from it but we didn't get too far in that conversation, except to say that some people can have opposite effects to what the "drug" is supposed to do. For example: alcohol makes me sleepy, but makes my therapist awake. Coffee can make a person relaxed, another anxious. It just depends on the person. So there you have it.

One big realization that has come to me in the last few days, and especially when considering PTSD as my diagnosis, is that everything - EVERYTHING - stems from the anxiety. This makes sense when I consider my entire childhood was spent walking on eggshells, and waiting for the next bomb to drop, so to speak. She explained that the more anxious you feel, the more your mind/body wants to shut down because everything becomes too overwhelming. In doing so, you can become more isolated and withdrawn, which in turn can lead to the depression. This made so much sense to me. My depression is a product of my anxiety. And if I can get a handle on the anxiety, then I can get a handle on the depression.

We also talked a little bit about medication and neural-pathways. I told her I had read about SSRI's normally being prescribed because they still allow new neural-pathways to be formed, unlike with the heavier anti-psychotics. She agreed and added that not all the SSRIs deal with anxiety, and they are mostly prescribed to only to deal with depression, but it depends on what the patient goes to their doctor for. If a person knows they have anxiety, a medication is prescribed for that. If they know they are depressed, then a medication is prescribed just for that. But since they mostly run together, only one half of the problem is being addressed. And if they actually have both issues going on, a person will likely end up on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals. No thanks.



So Im going to attempt this new phase of healing without meds. Perhaps the occasional rum and coke will suffice my most stressful times.

We talked a little about invasive thoughts, or nightmares. I don't have nightmares but I do (have had) obsessive replays of past events that FELT in my very body as though they were happening all over again - Im talking about panic, I guess. Anyway, she explained that this is still a way the mind tries to sort through traumas, but in a conservationist way. I guess it's a way that's less emotional? I'm not totally sure I understand this yet. But that over a time of talking about it, those obsessional replays become less and less, as well as the anxiety surrounding those events.

We also  talked a bit about other "personality traits" i display but  already knew about, such as perfectionism. But now that I'm starting to look at things from a different lens, I feel like I may need some time to understand these traits from that different perspective. Maybe not. But I kind of feel like I need to give my brain a chance to absorb and stew over things a bit.

So here is my To-do list:

  1. vit D (2000 units)
  2. magnesium
  3. exercise (ymca/swim/taichi/trampoline/other)
  4. sitting outside for 10 minutes
  5. meditation/prayer (spontaneous and planned)
  6. carrying food in my bag (hypoglycemia)


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