# no pics, therapy, a camping trip

This past monday I had my first appointment with a therapist. I honestly don't know what to expect to get out of it. I honestly think I need some retraining of the brain - I guess its referred to as cognitive therapy - and this lady doesn't like to do that sort of thing. She prefers talking methods. But I'm quite sick of talking. I've talked, I've thought. I pretty much know why i do and feel the things I do. What I need is to channel that knowledge and energy into CHANGE.

The hell?

So I also made the mistake of answering her question of "Are you spiritual" in the affirmative, forgetting that means totally different things to different people. So I'm not too excited about having to hear things about being intuitive to "energies" of people, and angels, and paths that we choose for ourselves before we are even born... ugh. I'm really good at just letting people talk and redirecting the convo onto a more suitable-for-me direction. I'm not so good with telling people I don't buy what their selling.

I'm "spiritual", but not that way.

The only positive thing that came out of it was her telling me she suspected PTSD. Im pretty sure I already knew that as the CAUSE of the depression and anxiety, but it was good to hear some professional confirmation. So I'm feeling a little bit more adventurous in researching various topics through the lens of PTSD. For instance, I can pick up a book on general anxiety and relate it to PTSD for more consistency and effective understanding.

I don't really want to stick with this whole therapy thing. But I should probably not quit just after the first visit. So yes, the therapist freaks me out a bit, she's kind of weird, she seems nice enough... but I just don't know how much faith I put in talking blah blah blah. It's cathartic, sure, and that is why I write a blog. But those energies are just being released into the nether, with no direction. I need FOCUS. And I don't see how talking is going to do that. I've never stuck with talk therapy very long for this reason. It was always the meds that seemed to do more in terms of benefits and "healing".

So we will see.

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This weekend we are heading to the beach! I'm so excited! It's supposed to be a nice little secluded spot where only tenting is allowed. NO RVs! As one who has been lately taken with the idea of van dwelling and stealth camping, the possibilities for such camping is awesome. Because of the kids, though, we had to buy a tent. But we shall see if they even want to stay in it. It would be nice - and necessary - to have some alone time with the hubby in the van (ooo, yeah), but it might not work out. Still, it's the fricken BEACH! Such excite.

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That is all for now.