# tidy feels good

I thought you might like to see my "living room".

My house is sectioned off in a really weird way. It's the typical style of trying to make everything open and all the sections melt into one another. It's stupid. I'd rather deal with actual "Rooms", like the British older homes seem to do well. Yes, give me separate rooms with full walls and doors.

On the topic of orderliness: this is a good example of how my living room looks when it is clean and orderly. You don't get the full view because I didnt take a bunch of pictures, but there's a half-wall next to the dining table, and opposite the wall with the day bed is a wall with some cabinets. Seriously though, there's a stupid fireplace also along that wall with the sliding door (really long curtains) and so I can't put anything against walls in here. I absolutely hate that. As someone who needs that open space to prevent my anxieties, this layout is crap. I hate sectioning off rooms and creating little compartments for watching TV or using the computer, or whatever organizational magic the IKEA catalogs come up with. By the way, why do the IKEA catalog rooms have so much shit in them?? Anyway, I'll say no more lest I f-bomb all over the blog post. In case you haven't noticed, Im quite agitated today. =(

Kitchen viewed from the "dining room". The dining area is actually serving as a sitting area because I have no wall space to put these f'n couches or TV. (Gah, that stupid TV which is so f'n big and unnecessary.)

So this (above pic) is the left side of the previous picture. See. There's that half-wall. I suppose it's all necessary because my house has terrible windows that really don't let in a whole lot of light. I need fricken light! The windows "glow" more like the first picture and only enhance the contrast between light and dark in the house. Yes, it's the weirdest thing, but the windows are hella bright with glow, and everything else seems darker because of it. The kitchen window is the only one that lets in a nice sunlight stream, but only around 4pm for around 30 minutes.

I've rearranged some things again so I'll try and take pictures of that for the next post. I might do a "how I clean" video. Anyway,  Im trying not rearrange the furniture anymore because  I can easily obsess-think about how things are ordered. Basically I need to have nothing in the house. Or very little. But lately when I've been walking out to the kitchen for morning coffee I've felt very ... good. And relaxed. It also helps i've been deep cleaning like a mo-fo.

Here's my kitty sitting on my makeshift bed for camping. Just stacked some foam for beds and wrapped them in bedsheets, then whipstitched the edge closed. It worked ok.  Perhaps I'll post pics from our camping trip next time. It was nice. Most of the time.

p.s.
I was having horrible obsessive, perseverative, thoughts about my middlest (autie) walking backward into parking lot traffic during the camping excursion. Is that considered a flashback? I've never thought of it that way, but I would be overcome with physical effects (shortness of breath, heart racing, invasive thoughts of it over and over) while I was driving. Its f'n scary. Well, I'll try to remember to bring that up with my therapist.