Well I guess my session today was fairly helpful. It's still mostly random talking although I do try to ask questions I have about my situation. I've lately been wondering about OCD and why some peoples' anxieties turn into action rather than as in my case of freezing. She said that in terms of "freezing" it's just another form of running away/flight. I tried to think about how much I fought or flew during my childhood, and on reflection I think I did both, which is why I avoid confrontation now because I've been known to respond in very over-the-top fashion. Fights with the husband tend to escalate quickly, too. Hands up, it's all on me although to my defense he doesn't know when to stop and leave me be. So that's unfortunate. =(
Mostly everything in life revolves and is dominated by fear and anxiety. It sucks and it's part of my personal plan to learn more about anxiety in a clinical way. For some reason I think this helps me. It's also just part of my "obsessive" tendencies toward rules and process. Yet somehow, my obsessions cause me anxiety when I can't acheive them, at which point I freeze. Like, shit, I wish I could turn that into action. It's totally like if I can't do what I'm trying to do exactly the way I'm trying to do, then I freak out and freeze. This is what I don't understand and need to figure out a way to conquer, or turn into something productive. Ughhhhhhh.
We also addressed some guilt that I have that emerges as anxiety at the end of the night. I was telling her that my insomnia seems much worse right now that it's summer time. In truth, I don't think summer has much to do with it because my insomnia is nothing new. It his, however, worse in general with me staying up until 5 in the morning.
eating habits:
unchanged
exercise:
sporadic and not frequent
projects:
I'm working on deep cleaning my house. It is going slow and is utterly frustrating. I started making a list to help me stay on track but then my lists get ultra excessive and I start to obsess over the best organization of it.
cat:
This is our Belle. Hubby rescued her from a tree across the street and she followed him home. She's been a sweetie baby.
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