I am very tired and yet cannot relax. Anxiety (or something) is pumping through my body right now. My whole body is feeling like it’s going to burst. One thought is slamming into the next, and it feels like I'm sinking and gotta get off this boat. But I can't get off. Writing about it is helping to slow down my brain, and gain some control. I think. Lots of my triggers come from situations I feel I cannot escape, or change, of course related to growing up in situations I couldn't escape or change. Then, even when I could've left, I didn't. So feeling helpless goes a long with it. Why can't I be stronger!
I’ve been saying it forever that I need to start getting physically active again. Not just a walk here and there, but real workouts. Truth is I’m scared, and fat, and the discomfort was never something I endured well with. I like the feeling of being done with a workout, but I’ve always hated the effort. What’s wrong with me.
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