❀why do i feel like a fraud

I've been trying to go walking every day for at least 30 minutes. Not even a brisk walk, just out and about, in the open air, enjoying the weather, etc. The last couple of times I did it I felt much improved for the remainder of the day. I still had some anxiety but was a bit more motivated and energetic. I was even a bit manic which scared me a bit because I'm always aware that the "down" is coming. Indeed, right now a feel a bit exhausted from all that ,,, manic energy, I guess. But my goal is to just keep doing This! Hopefully everything else that I need to do to feel better will fall into place as a result of just feeling even slightly better.

My hubby was promoted at work and is currently working on his day off. Oh the joys of being put in charge. =/ I don't even care about the promotion. It's funny when people ask, "Hey, what does your wife think? Is she happy you're getting more money?" Umm, she doesn't care. I just want to spend fucking normal time with my husband, not be so worn out by the end of the day that sex is even too exhausting to even think about, and stress for him would be WAY diminished. Pffff!

My husband was also told by someone that they thought I was beautiful. They liked my dreads, I guess how "free and fun" I seemed. Indeed, that is me deep down but most days I feel like too much of a loser to even feel I emanate that, as well I go around hating myself most of the time. In fact,  those were the first things I thought when my husband repeated what was said about me, and I felt like such a fraud.  I guess it was just amazing that anyone would think anything like that about me. It made me feel good though, if a little guilty.

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