meds

Yep, I know I need meds. I've been on some. Had some success. Had some difficulty. I just don't stay on them because they eventually seem to stop working. Turns out - as my psychiatrist told me once - that when you go through your general practicioner they tend to not up the dosage, when that's usually what needs to occur. So instead you stay on the same, minimal dose, and things tend to get worse or back to the way they were. I'm usually seeking meds through a general practitioner

Anxiety: I think I need some Xanax type stuff. All this time I was so afraid I was going to end up bipolar like my dad... and I think it's just been crazy anxiety. I could laugh about this but it's really no consolation to make this realization, especially after already being diagnoses bipolar and going through that medication ordeal - Geodon...stuff is awful.

Our insurance is changing over in a couple of months and so I'm just going to wait it out until then. Besides, "dealing" with it is nothing new. I wonder what it will be like to feel mellow? Will I feel mellow? Will I feel anything? I just hope I don't feel like a zombie. I can't function feeling like a zombie.

Antidepressants: I just don't know how much will be taken care of by the anti-anxiety. It'd be nice to not have to cocktail it again. This whole figuring out 'which med is right for you' is such a load. Not that it's not necessary, but it sucks that it takes so long to figure these things out. I always know fairly quickly if a medicine is working correctly or not... I don't understand this whole 'wait x-weeks for your body to get used to it'. Maybe I'm just super sensitive. Or I'm that messed up that everything and anything will work for a time.

Well I guess I'm looking forward to getting on meds again, even if I really don't want to. Mostly, I just don't want to feel like I'm losing my mind.